I’m in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Help from Abuse.

I'm in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Help from Abuse.

Our Legal Question of the day: I am in an abusive relationship. Is there help out there?

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No one deserves to be in an abusive and controlling relationship or be a victim of abuse. The causes and symptoms of abusive and controlling, romantic relationships vary. However, the unfortunate reality is that many decent people are trapped in one. And what is sad, is that they do not know how to get out of the toxic relationship, or to make it stop. There are many reasons why people remain in an abusive and controlling relationship. Some depend on the abuser for financial support, and others believe that they cannot or won’t get better should they leave their abuser.  The even more bitter scenario is when you remain in the abusive relationship for the sake of the children.

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 Family Abuse

Then there are other types of abusive relationships. They comprise of a parent abusing his or her child, or a brother abusing the sister. Even neglecting a child is abuse. This can happen when parents deprive their children economically, of decent clothing, food and shelter. The list goes on. The law terms the above type of abusive relationships under the banner of Domestic Violence. At the same time, the law affords victims of domestic violence help. The applicable legislation is the Domestic Violence Act, 116 of 1998.

What is a Domestic Relationship?

As you would see below, domestic violence is any controlling or abusive behaviour inflicted to someone in a domestic relationship. Therefore, in short, according to the Act, a domestic relationship is between family members, people living together, or people who were in a romantic relationship. You do not have to be married to someone to seek help from the law. An adopted child can also seek protection from the Domestic Violence Act. This makes it very convenient as most domestic relationships are covered by the Domestic Violence Act.

 Therefore, what is domestic Violence?

The Domestic Violence Act defines it as follows:

  • Physical abuse;
  • Sexual abuse;
  • Emotional, verbal and psychological abuse;
  • Economic abuse;
  • Intimidation;
  • Harassment;
  • Stalking;
  • Damage to property;
  • entry into the complainant’s residence without consent, where the parties do not share the same residence; or
  • Any other controlling or abusive behavior towards a Complainant.

Now, as you can see, the ambit of domestic violence is quite broad. It should cover most situations.

How to stop the abusive behavior?

Now we deal with the crux of our question and answer segment on Domestic Violence. How can you make it stop?

If you are a victim of domestic violence, and you want protection, you should visit your local Domestic Violence Court and obtain a Protection Order. For an outline on how to apply, visit this article named ABC guide on how to obtain a Protection Order.

Even though you are seeking protection from the law, you can still maintain a relationship with the person, but he or she would be interdicted from committing any acts of domestic violence against you.  If he or she again commits an act of domestic violence, after you obtained an interim, or final Protection order, the law would ensure that he or she gets punished.

Final words to victims of Abuse

If you are a victim of abuse, remember the law is there to protect and help you. Unfortunately, the law cannot change people’s personalities. It further cannot make someone love you or care for you the way they should, or you want them to. However, if you have no option but to remain in a relationship, with your spouse, lover, or other significant person, seek protection. Most times, that is the best you can do for yourself and those close to you.

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This and other articles and posts found on this website are written by Adv. Muhammad Abduroaf to assist people with various family law related issues they may have. If you find any of our articles, free resources and posts interesting, or possibly useful to others, please like and share it on Social Media by clicking on the icons below. For more interesting articles and information on Family Law, view our articles and Q&A page. If you have a family law related legal issue and you want someone to answer or reply to it, feel free to post it on our Family Law Blog. Therefore, kindly like and share.

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11 thoughts on “I’m in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. Help from Abuse.

  1. Hi there i am 35years, i always get swearing and shouting yelling from my dad i get emotional cry whenever he starts yelling shouting and swears at me calling me ugly names..he never does that to my siblings only does it to me this been happening 14years it’s still happening nothing has been changed i don’t have any friends and don’t have boyfriend, when i have someone in my life it becomes a problem with my dad and my siblings.. i am not really happy here at home i don’t want to be here anymore, there is times i want to go somewhere never come back that how i feel please tell me what should i do about this situation

    1. If you are being abused, you have a right to approach the Domestic Violence Court. However we suggest you speak to your school principle and he or she can refer you to a social worker who can assist.

  2. I am married with an old men who was married before but devorsed and he got married with me he has a doghter and a son from the first marriage, him and have no kids everytime I consive I get misscarrage, his doghter when she visits us she becomes to be the one who is in charge for everything in the house so I have to back off when she coock she will coock only for his father herself of for his son not for me it happened several times but my husband fight with me when I am complaining about this situation and it seems like my husband is scared of his doghter, so I have tried to talk to my husband about this situation that and how much is hurting me and I asked him that i think it’s better for me to move out when his family is coming for a visit and come back when they gone, he did not respond to me nicely he got angry and he told me that it’s up to you you can go and stay anywhere then come back when they gone, to me he doesn’t take me as a wife I feel like a slave to all of them including my husband because there is no happiness to me when his family is
    around but when I looked at him he is very happy so I dnt know what to do please help

  3. i really need help my boyfriend has been abusing me physically for the past 6years and he rapes me when i refused to have sex with him have try to break up with him but used to still at work so every time when i want to leave me he threathen me about telling my boss that i was the one who was stealing at work how do i get out without lossing my job

  4. I’m physically and emotional abuse my boyfriend and his mother are always telling me how to wear and not to be with other people just stay in the yard except I’m with one of the family and he use to shout at me tell me some bad things and today he slapped me and he don’t even regret what he did he just beat me for asking him to help me with the baby while I’m packing washen

  5. Hi I’m also in the same relationship but more than 2years I’m from Worcester but it is to much money to travel in and out,I also looking for a place cos he is not emotionally abuse me but fisical and in tines he even choke me and tell me he”s gonna kill me cos he is nothing without me,my kids and FAM lives in Worcester,please really in need for help!

  6. Good day,

    I need help please. I’m in a emotional, verbal and psychological abuse relationship.
    We did decide to break up but I’m living with him and no where to go at this point and need to get out of there.
    I just need some guidance or where to start.
    As it is my first time in such a relationship. Every time he whatsapps me with the cruelest words and putting me down so mush. I’ve never been to such a point in my life and I really don’t know what to do or go about this. I keep my mouth shut as silence is the best answer at times. But been in this relationship for 2 years and got to this point now I need to get out ASAP. Yes I’m scared, feel ashamed so many emotions.
    I am looking for a place to stay but places is expensive and I have a small breed dog that makes it harder to find a place to stay. So I need to stay with still no where else to go. I have no family in Cape Town as all of the up in JHB.

    Hope to hear from you soon.
    Thank you so mush.

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